The Character of Marriage

Introduction

"In the name of God, I John take you Mary to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, as long as we both shall live."

"In the name of God, I Mary take you John to be my husband..."

"Since John and Mary have consented together in holy matrimony, before God and these friends, and have joined hands and exchanged vows and rings, therefore, by the ordinance of God, I pronounce that they are husband and wife, in the name of God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Amen."

It requires lots of living and love to understand these sacred words. But understand them we must, for most don't. Comedian Charles Lowery says "that people marry again and again." A pastor's phone rang on Tuesday morning. It was a call from a young woman who didn't identify herself. She stated that she wanted to be married on Friday of that week. This was to be her sixth marriage. Not wanting to sound rude, the pastor said that he did not do spur of the moment weddings. He told her he liked to counsel with the couple before the wedding. She sounded somewhat irritated by his response. After a pause, she continued, "Well, I'll find someone else to perform the ceremony, but I want you to know that I believe you are wrong about spur of the moment weddings. Some of my best marriages have been spur of the moment."

As I said, most don't understand the sacred words of the marriage ceremony. Turn to Malachi 2:10- 16.

The prophet pronounces God's displeasure on two practices common in ancient Israel: marriage with outsiders (vv. 10-12) and the prevalence of divorce (vv. 13-16). His remarks express the Lord's hope for marriage and the crucial role it has in God's work in the world. Since God's people are members of His family, all were and are obligated to treat each other with kindness and compassion. Such was not the case in Israel, nor is it today. We must recapture an understanding of a godly marriage, a godly home. If revival is to truly come, it will need to break out in your home aswell as in the church house.

I. Make Sure Of The Choice

Israel is told they have "profaned the covenant" (v. 10) "by marrying the daughter of a foreign   god" (v.11). Exodus 19 begins describing the covenant established between Israel and the Lord.

Exodus 34 forbade marriage with pagans. The practice of other religions in the home would provide temptation to break faith with God. "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" (Amos 3:3) II Corinthians 6:14 says, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers."

It is disturbing to witness the trend of marriages which relegate faith and relationship to the Lord to a low priority. Differences in religion or the absence of any commitment to God is pushed into the background with the remark, "We love each other and so this will work out." Listen to me! Love Christ first. Give priority to your faith and then choose a mate.

The best solution is to choose a spouse who shares your commitment to Christ. Ideally this individual should come from your same Christian heritage. Certainly the person should be a saved and certain believer. To do less is to weaken your own covenant relationship with the Lord.

Many qualities and attributes strengthen marriage. Choose a partner with whom you share a vital relationship to Christ. Take it to the Lord. Don't let it be such a chance. The wrong marital choice can break God's covenant.

Some of you say, "What if it is too late for me? I made the wrong choice." Two people, if they will look to Christ, confident of His leadership, can have a beautiful marriage, even if it isn't a marriage "made in heaven."

If your mate isn't a believer, then pray for him/her with all your heart. Live a godly life, so that they may see Christ in you so that they might be saved. I Peter 3:1, "Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives."

II. Make Sure Of The Character

Malachi offers an amazing description of marriage, closely akin to the spirit of Jesus and definitely in tune with all God's hopes for marriage. If you decide to marry, what does God expect of the marriage? The prophet cites three characteristics of a godly marriage.

A. Marriage Is A Covenant And Not A Contract

"The Lord is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant" (v. 14). It has become fashionable to enter into marriage with a contract. A covenant implies commitment and faith. A contract implies convenience and fear. A covenant relationship declares that two have agreed to discover God's will together and work together to do that will. A contact stipulates what one will do if the other does certain things. A covenant declares we will achieve and fail together, laugh and cry together. In a covenant one is constrained from doing anything that would endanger the love of the other. Seeing marriage in this way, as a covenant, takes seriously its spiritual function.

B. Marriage Is Companionship

"She is your companion..." (v.14 NASV). The Lord God said, "It is not good that man should be alone" (Genesis 2:18). David Mace wrote, "Parenthood, therefore, may enrich marriage, but it will not sustain marriage. Neither will sex. There is much more in marriage than the physical. In the daily living together of husband and wife amid all the changes and accidents of human life, what will matter most of all is that they are true and trusty friends." How many can say, "my spouse is my best friend?"

C. Marriage Is To Be Permanent

When in v.14 they are condemned for mistreating the "wife of your youth", this indicates that elderly Jewish wives were being put aside by their husbands in favor of younger girls from the surrounding nations. They dealt treacherously with their wives. It takes time to build a covenant relationship. Time is involved in deepening companionship. Time is required to see the results of

creative parenting. God's ideal is for marriage to last. "I hate divorce" (v. 15). Jesus said, "What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder" (Mark 10:9). Although the Lord still loves the divorced individual, He hates divorce. It violates His plan. He enables one to overcome the grief of divorce, but the ideal must be maintained.

Too many approach marriage lightly, thinking that divorce is available to them if necessary. Yet divorce is not always a happy solution, for 59 percent of second marriages fail. Divorce should be regarded as the last recourse rather than the first option. The trend will not be reversed until individuals committed to Christ accept their duty and privilege to set the example of devotion and fidelity.

Some people ask me, "Pastor, is there any hope for me?" Some people feel that because divorce has occurred in their lives that they are without hope and some fear they are without help. Please know, that our God is a God who loves, cares, and forgives. Divorce always involves sin. Sometimes it is the sin of one person and sometimes it is sin on the parts of both partners. Is there any hope for someone who has experienced the consequence of the sinfulness of divorce? The answer is yes. How can a person deal with this? You simply deal with it the way every sin is dealt with. Come before the Lord and seek His forgiveness and cleansing. I John 1:9 is as applicable here as in any place of life. I John 1:9 says, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. Just as married persons need to seek forgiveness for failure, divorced persons need to seek forgiveness for failure. The good news is that restoration and fellowship with the Lord is right there before you at the place of prayer. Yes, there are other issues.

Should you seek reconciliation with a divorced person? This is complicated, but if that person has not remarried, then yes, there ought to be the seeking of reconciliation and restoration. However, there are times when restoration is no longer possible. That person may have broken the marriage bond through union with another person. In those cases, you are free and seek God's plan for your life in the future.

Some days ago after I first preached on marriage in the first part of our Extreme Home Makeover, a dear lady in our church wrote me a letter and said:

Dear Dr. Page, Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for a wonderful sermon this morning! I only wish that my "Ex" had heard something like that years ago...perhaps it would have changed things, perhaps not. But at least it would have given him something to think about. Please continue to preach sermons like the one you did today so that other families will not have to go through a divorce. It is worse than death. It is much worse. I am praying that some will hear what you have to say in the coming weeks and perhaps several.

Powerful letter, wasn't it? Sin hurts. It has consequences. Sin must be dealt with for the divorced person and also for the married person.

When we have a proper view of marriage, then we can see God's way for our world so much more clearly. God's reason for marriage is to provide a place of warmth...a place of love...a place of instruction...growth. Let us recapture an understanding of God's kind of marriage and family.